Tweetlol:p
TweetThe Rose
Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walks a young chick with a low cut blouse that revealed a rose tattooed on one boob.
One lady leaned over to the other and said, "She doesn't know it, but in fifty years she'll be wearing a long stemmed rose in a hanging basket.
GOOD QUOTES
I ONCE HAD A ROSE NAMED AFTER ME AND I WAS VERY FLATTERED. BUT I WAS NOT PLEASED TO READ THE DESCRIPTION IN THE CATALOGUE:
"NO GOOD IN A BED, BUT FINE UP AGAINST A WALL".
~ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
LAST WEEK I STATED THIS WOMAN WAS THE UGLIEST WOMAN I HAD EVER SEEN. I HAVE SINCE BEEN VISITED BY HER SISTER ... AND NOW WISH TO WITHDRAW THAT STATEMENT.
~MARK TWAIN
THE SECRET OF A GOOD SERMON IS TO HAVE A GOOD BEGINNING AND A GOOD ENDING; AND HAVE THE TWO AS CLOSE TOGETHER AS POSSIBLE.
~GEORGE BURNS
SANTA CLAUS HAS THE RIGHT IDEA .. VISIT PEOPLE ONLY ONCE A YEAR.
~VICTOR BORGE
BE CAREFUL ABOUT READING HEALTH BOOKS. YOU MAY DIE OF A MISPRINT.
~MARK TWAIN
WHAT WOULD MEN BE WITHOUT WOMEN? SCARCE, SIR ... MIGHTY SCARCE.
~MARK TWAIN
MY WIFE IS A SEX OBJECT. EVERY TIME I ASK FOR SEX, SHE OBJECTS.
~LES DAWSON
BY ALL MEANS MARRY. IF YOU GET A GOOD WIFE, YOU'LL BECOME HAPPY; IF YOU GET A BAD ONE, YOU'LL BECOME A PHILOSOPHER.
~SOCRATES
I WAS MARRIED BY A JUDGE. I SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR A JURY.
~GROUCHO MARX
MY WIFE HAS A SLIGHT IMPEDIMENT IN HER SPEECH. EVERY NOW AND THEN SHE STOPS TO BREATHE.
~JIMMY DURANTE
THE MALE IS A DOMESTIC ANIMAL WHICH, IF TREATED WITH FIRMNESS AND KINDNESS, CAN BE TRAINED TO DO MOST THINGS.
~JILLY COOPER
I NEVER HATED A MAN ENOUGH TO GIVE HIS DIAMONDS BACK.
~ZSA ZSA GABOR
(Waaaaaaaaaaaaa .... you have to FIND them first! MM)
ONLY IRISH COFFEE PROVIDES IN A SINGLE GLASS ALL FOUR ESSENTIAL FOOD GROUPS: ALCOHOL, CAFFEINE, SUGAR AND FAT.
~ALEX LEVINE
DON'T GO AROUND SAYING THE WORLD OWES YOU A LIVING. THE WORLD OWES YOU NOTHING. IT WAS HERE FIRST.
~MARK TWAIN
MY LUCK IS SO BAD THAT IF I BOUGHT A CEMETERY, PEOPLE WOULD STOP DYING.
~ED FURGOL
MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU HAPPINESS, BUT IT DOES BRING YOU A MORE PLEASANT FORM OF MISERY.
~SPIKE MILLIGAN
WHAT'S THE USE OF HAPPINESS? IT CAN'T BUY YOU MONEY.
~HENNY YOUNGMAN
I AM OPPOSED TO MILLIONAIRES, BUT IT WOULD BE DANGEROUS TO OFFER ME THE POSITION.
~MARK TWAIN
UNTIL I WAS THIRTEEN, I THOUGHT MY NAME WAS 'SHUT UP'.
~JOE NAMATH
YOUTH WOULD BE AN IDEAL STATE IF IT CAME A LITTLE LATER IN LIFE.
~HERBERT HENRY ASQUITH
I DON'T FEEL OLD. I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING UNTIL NOON. THEN IT'S TIME FOR MY NAP.
~BOB HOPE
A WOMAN DROVE ME TO DRINK ... AND I HADN'T EVEN THE COURTESY TO THANK HER.
~W.C. FIELDS
I NEVER DRINK WATER BECAUSE OF THE DISGUSTING THINGS THAT FISH DO IN IT.
~W.C. FIELDS
IT TAKES ONLY ONE DRINK TO GET ME DRUNK. THE TROUBLE IS, I CAN'T REMEMBER IF IT'S THE THIRTEENTH OR THE FOURTEENTH.
~GEORGE BURNS
WE COULD CERTAINLY SLOW AGING PROCESS DOWN IF IT HAD TO WORK ITS WAY THROUGH CONGRESS.
~UNKNOWN
DON'T WORRY ABOUT AVOIDING TEMPTATION... AS YOU GROW OLDER, IT WILL AVOID YOU.
~UNKNOWN
MAYBE IT'S TRUE THAT LIFE BEGINS AT FIFTY. BUT .. EVERYTHING ELSE STARTS TO WEAR OUT, FALL OUT, OR SPREAD OUT.
~UNKNOWN
DOCTOR TO PATIENT: I HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS. THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT YOU ARE NOT A HYPOCHONDRIAC.
~UNKNOWN
THE CARDIOLOGIST'S DIET: IF IT TASTES GOOD ... SPIT IT OUT.
~UNKNOWN
BY THE TIME A MAN IS WISE ENOUGH TO WATCH HIS STEP, HE'S TOO OLD TO GO ANYWHERE.
~UNKNOWN
IT'S HARD TO BE NOSTALGIC WHEN YOU CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING.
~UNKNOWN
Tweetlol:p
TweetHehehe, here's one I found,
Women are like tea bags, we don't know our own strength till we are in hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt
TweetGooder is trademarked by Auriflex Limited.
My people will be contacting your people.
Tweeti thought it was pudgys trademark
TweetHe gets all the good stuff from me. I am the man behind his curtain.
TweetYEAH GOOD ONES JACK
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